Poor hubby... random thoughts from a pregnant mind

I don't really have a specific topic to write about, so I'm just going to see where this goes. Last night while typing about nesting with my intermittent views of my eyelids, I had so many good things to write... and I thought to myself, "I'll totally remember them... I can just do it tomorrow." Um.... yeeeah. I'm sure you can tell that didn't happen.

Which brings me to random thought # 1) I now share an attention span with my 18 month old daughter, Ali. I'm sure, if evaluated, I would clearly be medicated for severe ADHD. Forget watching a movie... I'm concentrating on finishing conversations. My favorite is when I get distracted by.... oh, I don't know... a floating dust bunny,... and forget what it was I was talking about mid-sentence. That happened to me today while trying to discuss the current economic state with one of my very knowledgeable and distinguished male package store owners. I paused.... tried to pick up where I left off, and ended up repeating the same word 3 times while using it incorrectly in my non-sentence. He just looked at me and smiled.... but I know he was thinking I was a total ding bat. Serves me right for trying to talk about the economy... which I only know 2 facts about as it is.

Random thought # 2) My poor hubby... He gets run over by the hormonal roller coaster daily. Like,... last night, I was eating M&M's out of a large candy jar (jar filled 3/4 of the way). There was clearly enough for an entire soccer team in there, but yet when my hubby asked me to put the jar between us (as opposed to on my left, where he couldn't reach it), I got annoyed. Then... as if I were a starving dog protecting it's last 3 kibbles, I got annoyed whenever he actually stuck his hand in the jar to get some M&Ms... and not just b/c he was depleting my scarce supply...... But more so because I had to wait the 1 and a half seconds it took for him to take a handful. I actually got annoyed b/c I had to wait for him to get his hand out of the jar before I could shove the next handful in my mouth.... and i wasn't even done chewing what I had!! As hard as I try NOT to have these crazy thoughts... they just come barreling on through my brain like a tsunami... and of course, at this point, I've lost all control of my "emotional filter"... you know, that thing that prevents your brow from furrowing and your eyes from turning into daggers every time you have a bad flow of emotion.... yeah, that's gone, so of course.... my brow furrowed and my eyes turned into Hattori Hanzo swords at the mere sight of his big hand going anywhere NEAR that jar of M&M's.... poor guy... he had no idea what he did, and of course,... there's not rational way to explain this, so I just grunted, said nothing and let him look at me with confusion.... which also, annoyed me. Then five minutes later I made him rub my back (insert big cheese smile). He's so good though... he never complains. Were the roles reversed... he'd be on the street!

Random thought # 3) Speaking of the hubby.... he is totally, absolutely, never allowed to FART EVER AGAIN! They stink and it makes me want to puke and for whatever reason they have the staying power of super glue! (I just have to mention that I had a totally different thing in mind to write down and I got distracted by a horrific noise coming from my hubby's ass followed by the worst smell you could ever imagine and of course..... I forgot.) Which leads me to think.... he really isn't allowed to do any normal, bodily function... in fact... I'm pretty sure I expect him to turn them all off until this baby is born. No farting, NO NO NO pooping, no burping, no falling asleep before me, no eating anything unless I want to eat it, no eating anything I want to eat, no kissing me or touching me unless I tell him to (and by tell him, I mean telepathically), no watching TV/movies that I don't pick, no hanging up the phone until I'm done with the conversation (no matter what work matter comes up), no calling me when I'm busy (again.. he should know that by my telepathic vibes) and OH... ABSOLUTELY NO SNORING (snoring is cause for possible spousal abuse)! Pregnancy hormones make me a little, um...... well, crazy. Okay.... most of these things are just thoughts, but like I said,... the filter is gone, so I'm sure he picks up on it. So... how does he do it? And still manage to do nice things for me like... turn on the burner when I think I'm boiling water, but really have no idea that it's not turned on (yeah,... I would've waited a while before figuring out, that's just where I'm at right now)... or plug in my cell phone when I let it die in my purse.... or how about just not slug me back when I smack him in the face for snoring (because.... he's totally doing it on purpose!) He's a helluva guy, I tell ya.... but he knows that... I tell him all the time (telepathically, of course).

Okay... to be continued... I'm looking at my eyelids again.